WyzWmn's World©

sometimes
I sit
in any room
in my new house
and just gaze
out the window

I am completely
amazed at the calm
and
quiet here

the place is surrounded
by big
old cedars and pines
the kind of cedar
that reminds me of
weeping cedars
of Alaska
and the Scotch Pines
with the big long needles

I am humbled
by the changes
in my life
this year

after the pain
of losing
so many
so called
friends

and then
the death
of my daughter

and now the delight of
the new job
the new car
the new home
the new job extension

I find myself
in a place
that is
curiously
without
strife
rancor
or
anguish

I’m not sure
I know how to behave

Even the Pickle
is getting
a bit of an overhaul

I’m slow
with the unpacking
I’m terribly tired
most of the time
but I know that’s the drugs
so I go with it

I’m going to hire
someone to do the
big cleaning
regularly
once I get
some semblance
of organization
here

my father
was in a pretty
horrendous
accident
yesterday
and even that
seems to be
working out ok

I seem to be
quoting
my dad
a lot
these days

but…
“Life is good!”

I’ve just had this convo with a friend who’s been diagnosed with MS and as I write I’m surprised to find it true!

This is a conversation that I have had with many fellow “compromise auto-immune” friends and acquaintances over the last couple of years.

You have to make peace with your disease…you personally – not your kids, not your husband…not the people you deal with on a regular basis.

I hear people say all the time that I shouldn’t let my diseases define me.  But they do  – physically.  It’s my diseases that stop me from crawling on my knees, lifting anything heavy or running. It’s my diseases that govern what I eat, when I eat and how I eat or how I use the facilities, when I do and frequency. Just as it is my diseases that decide just how much rest I need.

The only way for me to “let it go” was to make peace with it.  To not get angry with it anymore (no small feat for a berserker like me) to recognize the signs when my body was saying “slow down” or “eat more of this” or “don’t eat that crap no more”.

So…I pay attention to what my body needs/wants and make allowances for when I can’t do what I want. I’m patient. I’ve worked at the concept that not being able bodied does not mean I’m lazy, or stupid or less than.  If I’m traveling – I travel for a day and take a day off.  I arrange that with friends if I’m travelling with them.  If I need to go to bed before everyone else does…I do.  If I need to spend a day lying around doing nothing more strenuous than holding my kobo…I do.

And best of all…I make no apologies.  Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose…but mostly I’m working at being kind to myself for a change.  It’s all part of the wonderfulness of me…right?