WyzWmn's World©

I’m often asked
by people without them
do tattoo’s hurt

well
of course they do
but they hurt differently
on different people
and they
hurt more at the time
of application
than any other time

I got more work done on my
memorial peice this week

each and every time I do it
as in the past
the artist starts
and I think to my self
as many have in the past
“I’m a smart woman
and I can get outta this
without looking like
the loser I am”
…because it hurts LoL

this whole business
of tattooing
is my sister’s fault
as she bought me my first
for my 40th b’day
and I was immediately hooked

I’ve said before
that the leg has been
and evolution of sorts
and I can’t help but think
that for the artist
it would be way easier
if he had a younger
taut
not quite so
dried up
canvas
one without
quite so many
vericose veins LoL

each and every time I get work done
he wraps it up
before I leave
to keep me from
leaking plasma
all over my bed
(some people actually bleed
I leak plasma)

so the following morning
when I unveil
the new work for viewing
and the first
tender wash of it’s lifetime
I never like it

that’s right
I never like it
the new stuff is foreign
and it always takes
me a day or so
to get used to it

this time was no
different
I paid the man
for the work done
knowing full well
that we weren’t finished
and the following morning
I had a wtf? was I thinking
in the shower

but here I am 4 days later
and I love the work

so in a mth I’ll go back

and I’ll try to get better pix too!

and if you need reminding

this is why I started this

it’s an easy enough thing
for me
to let my mind wander
away from the things
that hurt or bother me

I’ve been doing it
my whole life long

all 56 yrs of it…

allowing
books
or music
or visual media
to remove me
from that which
bothers me the most

still
every once in a while
I find myself
in the untenable position
of having no choice
but to deal
with the reality
of life
and once again
death

I’ve lost too much
recently
I keep thinking
this too can not be happening

but it is.

my father is dying
more so than an 80 yr old
is dying

he has lung cancer
inoperable
and in a couple of weeks
we’ll find out
just how many weeks/months
he has left

not likely years
but weeks or months

there’s decisions to be made
and things to do
and as much as I try
to while away my time
with other endeavors
the kind that I’ve used
to take me away
for all my 56 years

this little
earth shattering
tidbit of information
keeps peeping around
the corner
at me
taunting me
haunting me

it sits on my chest
and makes it hard
for me to breathe

it sits at the back
of my eyes
ever ready to well up

I think to myself
“move along
others have dealt with this
you can too”

it’s not working though…

is it selfish to say
I don’t want to?
is it selfish to say
it’s too soon?
is it selfish to say
yes…but what happens
to me now?

yes
it is

however
I’m told its
normal
healthy
common
the 5 stages of grief
etc
etc
etc

I don’t care
I just want to not
have everything I do
coloured by this
gargantuan sadness
or by worry

sadness
that enfolds me
encompasses me
engulfs me
takes charge

my logical mind
has the answers
and will do
what needs to be done

my sad and worried mind
needs to be acknowledged too.

the mind that keeps finding itself
on the floor of Grandma’s bedroom closet
weeping
just like when I was little.