the sound: Joe Cocker – Help from my Friends, The Beatles – Strawberry Fields Forever, The Beatles – Hey Jude, Richie Havens – Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child, Santana – Soul Sacrifice, Janis Joplin – Try, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Judy Blue Eyes, Canned Heat – Woodstock Boogie, Ten Years After – Going Home
Robert and Snot were both wearing bib coveralls. Both were wearing short sleeved t-shirts and riding boots. Both had beards and both had hair that was at least mid back in length…and of course both of them were well over 6 foot tall.
Their hair was all over the place…looked like they’d ridden a while – that “rode hard and put away wet” thing….and both of them looked like they’d been involved in some sort of blood bath.
There literally was not one area the size of my thumbprint that I could see on either of them that was not covered in blood. It was drying and tacky and they both even had it under their arms…I couldn’t imagine the kind of picture the two of them had made riding up the road from the farm to the bar.
I sort of laughed uncomfortably thinking that perhaps they’d had a paint fight while painting the barn…but I knew I was grasping at straws because I knew that paint had not been in the plans for the day.
I found that I expected the worse…but thought that perhaps the saving grace could be that both Robert and Snot were smiling…smiling hugely I might add. Then again, I quickly thought that maybe I’d relaxed too soon…cos really – these guys are nuts.
All manner of horror ran thought my mind in a heartbeat and my eyes darted around looking for some kind of an escape route for the first time in several days.
One of the European guests approached Robert. He was a big blonde fellow called (surprisingly enough) Swede.
Swede asked “vat da fuk happen to you?”
Robert started to laugh…”this, my friend, is what happens when you fuck with my club. This is what happens when people fuck with my family. I take care of business and then there is no problem no more.”
He paused “Get it?”
Swede looked puzzled.
“People fuck with me and mine and I fuck them right back – big big time!” Robert said.
“who fuk vid you?” Swede asked and I saw beneath that jolly blonde surface a kind of nastiness I’d not seen before.
“Wellllll ya know?….” he began….and then Robert began to laugh.
“Naw…I cannot tell a lie….” he continued with a twinkle in his eye…”this is what happens ……….when ya butcher a pig with a chain saw!” he finished in a hurry.
I slumped into my chair as everyone in the room started to laugh and cheer.