Chapter 66

the sound: Stevie Ray Vaughn – Tightrope, The Doors – Peace Frog, Trooper – We’re Here for a Good Time, Crosby Stills Nash & Young – Almost Cut My Hair, Janis Joplin – Try, Allman Bros – Midnight Rider

The constable walks over to the table and stands behind Robert’s chair. He clears his throat, looks at his mother and then down at his hands. “Robert I am obligated to tell you that you have the right to remain silent…” he begins.

His mother slaps the table top with the flat of her hand and for all intents and purposes it sounds suspiciously like a gunshot. (Having heard more than one in the last few days – it’s a likely comparison!) accompanied by the jangling of her large golden charm bracelet.

“Not till after me tea!” she exclaims in a voice that books no argument.

The constable feels a need, none the less, “but, but Mama – they’re waiting outside for me to bring him out” he stammers.

“well then,” says their mother, “they’ll be waiting outside longer, or they will be joining us….but you will not be taking your brother off to the hoosegow before the tea is done!”

“it’s ok Mama” Robert begins, “wee Jaimie’s just doing his job”

“wee?” I think

His mother’s response is a resounding “harrumph! Finish the tea!”

We all make haste to finish our tea. Mrs. K gets up as Robert does and begins to flutter about decidedly like someone approximately a third of her size. Robert turns to Jaimie and puts his hands up offering Jaimie the ability to re-cuff him.

“fat lot of good that’ll do” is Jaimie’s response…”Jesus, Mary and Joseph Robert…do not make me have to shoot you in Mama’s kitchen”

Once again the lips engage before the brain and I mutter into my teacup “why not?…he’s already shot Barry”.

No sooner did the words come out of my mouth than I realized my mistake. I peek up over the rim of my teacup to see everyone in the room staring at me, slack mouthed…”shit shit shit” is the best I can do.

Mrs. K whips around to face Robert and Jaimie. “did you shoot your brother? Is that the accident this child alluded to earlier….answer me boy! DID YOU SHOOT YOUR BABY BROTHER????” Funny, I think, how her accent disappears when she’s angry.

I look up at her and see snapping green eyes and two very red angry dots on her cheeks and think I am so very glad not to be on the receiving end of that just as Rosie plants a firm but vicious kick at my ankle under the table.

“Mumph! Ow!” I snort and choke on my tea.

Robert hangs his head and just shakes it back and forth…”Mama – you know the way he gets…he just never stops….on and on and on….and it get’s on my nerves”

“so you shoot him? HE GETS ON YOUR NERVES SO YOU SHOT HIM?” her voice rises an octave and a decibel. She pauses and then gets deadly quiet….“Roibhilín – you are you father’s son…and we all know what a waste of whiskey he was…you get out of this home and you do not return until you can bring your brother home and home healthy!”

“Well the Dr said he’s gonna be fine!” I pipe up and then slump down in my chair at the rather vivid glare’s I get from all the people in the room.

Robert and Jaimie head towards the kitchen door, Grey stands and moves towards his mother…who turns to me and says with some vehemence…”You! Young lady!…You are going to get yourself into some verra verra serious trouble if you don’t learn to curb that tongue!” I notice that the accent is back.

Grey and Rosie both turn to look at me as we hear the sound of Robert and Jaimie leave via the front door and the screen door slams behind them.

“yer not saying anything my own mother hasn’t been trying to tell me most of my life” I mutter yet again.

“THEN LISTEN TO HER!” the very dignified Mrs K shrieks at me in a most undignified manner. “If you learn nothing…learn when to be still!”

“Point taken” I reply as she begins to weep.

Three days later Robert, who has been charged with 2 counts of assaulting a police officer and vandalism of city property for the damage done to the parking meters he’d kicked the tops off of is let out on his mother’s bond.

While he’s been gone, I’ve been making myself comfortable in his house and spending a lot of time with his sister and his mother. I’ve been learning important girl things like how to can vegetables, how to hoe a row, how to crochet doilies and the most all important – how to wash and iron those all stark whit Irish linen napkins and table cloths.

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Chapter 65

the sound: Chilliwack – I Believe, Chilliwack – Whatcha Gonna Do?, Chilliwack – My Girl, Chilliwack – There’s Something I like About That, Chilliwack – Crazy Talk, Chlliwack – Fly at Night

Tea poured, sandwiches on plates, the only sounds to be heard were those of people gently stirring lemon and sugar into their tea cups.

I surreptitiously searched the table for cream and finally gave up without the nerve to ask, stirring lemon and sugar into my tea as well.

I shook my head slightly amused by the fact that I’ve always been a weak tea drinker, “first pour” my father’d say. This stuff looked like 40 weight oil and could likely have stood one of those silver teaspoons up in it and here’s me with no cream.

Mrs. Kirkpatrick cleared her throat. “Well then Miss Karen…maybe you’ll be about explaining to me where my Buadhach is, and what exactly Roibhilín has done to afford himself such pretty new bracelets?”

I’m caught again…deer in the headlights, tea cup half way to my mouth, lips pursed to slurp “Fuck!” I think as Robert starts “now…..now Mama…”

“Silence!” she barks. “I’m after asking this young woman!” as one, everyone at the table turns to look at me and I can’t help but think again “plant a potato, get a potato”…. they all 3 of them carry their mother’s visage.

I blink once or twice and put my cup down, thankfully in the saucer.

I clear my throat as I look to the eyes of the 3 people I’ve spent the last few days with. “Well uhmmm, you see Mrs. Kirkpatrick…it’s like this” I begin and fade off.

“Yes child?” she prods.

“Well there was this accident see, and Barry he kinda got hurt but it’s okcosRosiealmosthadhimfixedandGreyandRobert
tookhimtothehospitalandtheyoperatedbuthe’soknow!….”
I pause for a breath and realize that Rosie, Grey and Robert look stricken.

“An accident?” she says stressing the word and then nods briskly. “and the bracelets?” she asks.

Now I’m scared and going for broke…I don’t have a flaming idea which direction to go in but think the truth is too over the top even for me…and I saw it with my own eyes so….

“uhmmm…it er that…uhhhh it was kinda funny sorta” I begin hesitantly and look up in time to see Robert give the slightest shake of his head.

“yes?” she asks again

“well I wanted to see how they worked and then I lost the key and then we had no choice but to cut them apart!” I race in one breath. “really it’s all very silly” I finish.

Robert, Rosie and Grey sigh in unison.

“Well,” she says and then stops to sip her tea. “a fine story that is. Now….who’s going to be after telling me the truth?

Do.Not.Make.Me.Ask.This.Question.Again!” she forces out with such quiet vehemence that I’m sure the finish is blistering off of the table and possibly even the chair I am sitting on.

The four of us sit with our heads hung.

I can’t imagine what exactly can get any worse when I hear the screen door at the front of the house slam. All four of us jump at the noise, Mrs. Kirkpatrick sits unsurprised.

In unison we turn to face the kitchen to hallway door as into the kitchen steps a police officer, tall, muscular, red headed and unmistakably another of the Kirkpatrick brood.

“Ah, Constable” Mrs. Kirkpatrick announces with a smile on her face, “will you be joining us for our tea?”

“No Mama, I won’t” the policeman says and my jaw literally hits the table.

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