A Boy’s Life – Robert McCammsn

“You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe.”

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this is what I know…

what you did to me
was cruel
and unconscionable

it was purposefully mean…

and the epitome
of the opposite
of everything
you profess
to dislike
about the world

you who pride yourself
on your communication skills

you who tout your caring and compassion
like armor
and make demands of everyone else
to do the same

you who has spent thousands of hours
and thousands of dollars
to educate yourself
in an attempt to make yourself
better, good enough, accepted, loved.

you.did.this.

well here’s a surprise
for you

I forgive you

I was sick
and I was tired
and I was afraid

you knew me well enough
to land on the things
I both feared and loved
the most
and as a result
I let those things
govern me
I let those fears
hold me hostage
and in turn got sicker

in the end
you did me a favor
you gave me a new beginning
and no matter what happens
I know
I am better away from you

I eventually realized
that I am
both loved and lovable

I learned so very much
from you…

much about what I do want
and what I don’t want
to be
as a human being

I appreciate that for
what it is

I’m better now
and I’m moving on

now please

forgive yourself
and do the same.

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