WyzWmn's World©

I simply cannot get warm today…

I fully understand with the change of season that it is substantially cooler first thing in the morning than it was… So not being able to just get dressed and wander out the door to take the dog out requires me actually being awake and thinking before I take her out.

Something is setting her off in the mornings and she barks like an idiot nonstop for about an hour unless I get up, out of my warm little nest and move to the chair in the den at which point she gets up sits beside me or on me and goes back to sleep… The whole thing defeats all of these lovely relaxed habits I’ve had since I retired… The ability to sleep in is gone. 

On payday I’m going to order myself a water pistol…that should get her attention but it’s still going to require I get outta bed.

I understand that it’s likely lack of sleep that is making me so cold, but I’m wearing heavy socks, a shirt and a sweater and a sweatpants and I’m sitting under a blanket in the den… I’ve had a cup of coffee and even it didn’t warm me up.

I’ve even tried going to bed earlier to allow for more sleep time… but just because I go to bed, doesn’t mean I get to sleep… Two or three or even four hours sleep is simply not enough.  I’ve never, in the 14 years I’ve lived here, closed the bedroom door at night…but I can see it coming. I have this comical visual of Rhu launching herself out of bed and stubbing her nose on the closed door lol

Wish me luck lol

I wonder about my writing every day… I used to write so prolifically, and now I don’t….

Personally, I believe it’s directly related to sleep patterns…
If I have a really good dream..when I wake up, I lay in bed for a couple of moments and think about how I’m going to lay that out to write about it.

Then by the time I go to the bathroom
and get dressed
and take the dog out
and walk her long enough for her to crap a
nd then pick up her crap
and walk down to the dumpster to dump the crap
and then walk back to my house.
It’s all forgotten.

I can vaguely remember that so-and-so and so-and-so were in my dream,
but I can’t remember anything about the dream itself.
The dream that was so crystal clear and detailed and ever so interesting..is completely gone

And then when I come in the house
and I take the harness off the dog
and I check what the weather is for the day
and I sort out what coffee I’m going to drink
and start that process
and then go to the bathroom
and brush my teeth and take my pills a
nd go back to get the coffee.
that’s finally finished dripping
and I remember nothing….
I’ve also thought for a long time that that process has been as a result of the TBI.
It frustrates me beyond comprehension
that my memory is shot like that

It also frustrates me beyond comprehension
that there is so much information available in the world for free
however, going to see a counsellor
on the regular is $175 an hour
and who the fuck can afford that?

Also, I’ve pretty much confirmed for myself
that my ability to write
is definitely attached to my audience.
If I know that someone is going to read
what I write
my writing takes on better depth.
When I was writing my story,
there were a group of my friends
that were reading every day
so I didn’t have a problem
with making that work, but now I have a problem
when I know that the only person that’s reading what I’m writing is my friends Lin or Joy.

I don’t seem to be able to convince myself
that other people will read it
but later on
and I think that’s part of the instant gratification
ADHD/TBI brain…
and who knew that a woman would have to
go through menopause
to discover
that all her quirks and foibles
were ADHD?

I even tried having a notebook
and a pen
beside my bed
so that before I got out of bed,
I could write down a synopsis of the dream
so that there would be a story available,
but it doesn’t work that way for me anyway…

Also, my brain works
and wants to work
when I have nine or 10 hours sleep,
but that happens so few and far between (it’s not like it’s the norm)
that I don’t seem to have the brain fortitude
to do any kind of writing
when I only get 4 to 6 hours sleep…
and completely forget about
thinking of writing
on the mornings where I’ve only had an hour’s sleep.

Anyway…if you are still dropping by on occasion to see what I’m writing – drop me a line here or on FB just so I know someone is reading this stuff, LOL