WyzWmn's World©

Life has a way of being funny…. and funny is not always of the ha ha persuasion

I did some walking on Wednesday for an appointment… there wasn’t any parking close to where I needed to be so I parked and walked a slight uphill grade to get to where the first appointment was and then walked briskly to the next appointment… yesterday I thought well that’s cool no discomfort as a result of the walking uphill or doing a flight of stairs… this morning my hips and knees are screaming bloody murder…. this only stands to get better as I spend more time out of the house

Over the length of my life I have probably owned 1000 binders….three ring, six ring, eight ring, big, fat, small, skinny….. tons of binders in every colour under the sun….so I’m working on a project that requires one…do you suppose I can find one? No…I’ll have to go buy one…apparently they were part of my last effort to sort and downsize my den. And sorting and downsizing my den only led to other rooms in the house being further cluttererd…sigh

Apparently I truly am my mother’s daughter…although the things I seem to collect seem relevant at the time…just how relevant can they be while I am continually having to make lists of things to pick up while out?

I have to clean out my bathroom as it’s getting refurbished next week (at least I hope it will be next week)..I’m getting new facets, and toilet and flooring. I need boxes to fill…didn’t I just put about 15 boxes out for recycle last night?

And once said boxes are full of bathroom junk…where the hell will I store them? While it’s only likely for three or four days it’s going to be hell trying to find someplace in my wee house to store them – given that I have the granddaddy of all Vilas coffee tables in the living room – and a wall unit that while not very wide, still removes about 8 inches from the breadth of my living room. A canopy bed in the bedroom that I adore – but takes up most of the floor space in there as well as a huge lazy boy in the den – that was my dad’s – so it ain’t going anywhere…

Also, I have craft supplies up the wazoo…do you think I can find a plain black ink fine tip pen? Not likely…

I’ve got a Vilas Maple love seat and chair in my den that I want to get rid of…I only kept them because my mom always said they were the only furniture in the world that she cold
sit in and have her feet touch the floor…currently they seem to have accumulated the in-between clothes…you know? the clothing that is too clean to put in the wash but not clean enough for the clean closet? What the hell do you do with them? Put them back in the closet and hope for the best? I guess once I get it cleaned off I can list them in Used Victoria or Varage Sale or even eBay…although I can’t see myself trying to ship them…that would be a gong show I don’t need…I can’t imagine anyone else wanting them – but I can’t make myself throw them out – they are Vilas!

Over the time I’ve been off work (19 months sounds so much longer to me than a year and a half) my home has gotten so much more lived in looking than it ever did before….hence the de-cluttering…. however what seems to be happening is that an effort to de-clutter I’ve actually created more clutter….

So I’m reading David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” in hopes that it will give me some sort of amazing understanding of how to do all these things without it driving me crazy with the irony that is my life.

Which is the book I was trying to load on my iPad the other day and ended up having to put on my Kobo because my iPad my iPhone and iTunes refuse to talk nicely to each other so I still can’t put music on my phone…which of course makes me wonder if it’s my refurbished PC tower that’s causing the issues because I know it’s also having issues with the sound-card at the moment.

Which also suggests a puzzle around the fact that I removed the signature from both my email addresses however it still shows up when I email from my iPhone or my iPad?

All of this truly makes me wonder if I should be tested for ADHD…how does one get tested as an adult? I’m making lists of things I should do – so far the list making has become a full time job…and because they are so extensive, and while I can’t get them out of my head – I’m not getting what I should be doing done – cos the list making is all encompassing…again – hence the reading of the David Allen book

and this is all before coffee this morning….sheesh! I’m sure that there’s more that I will remember as soon as I post this to my blog – but that’s the nature of my beast these days…See? Funny…but not necessarily hahaha funny…

…more coffee please!

I’m in my late 20’s
and at a party
getting drunk
and high
I’m having fun!

at some point
after dark
and in the middle of the night
with the full moon bright
I decide I want to go home

i’m living in a small town
the party is in a town
a couple of miles away

it’s late summer – early fall
a full moon
and I drunkenly decide
to walk home

stupid idea
I’m wearing jeans,
very high heel boots
and a while peplum blazer

but off I go
into the darkness
listening to my Walkman
wearing headphones
and singing along
drunkenly

the road is blisteringly dark
I’m walking/stumbling along
listening to the click of my heels
on the pavement
all loose jointed
and silly
I realize
I’m definitely wearing the wrong boots
for a long walk

but I laugh at myself
because I’m still drunk\high

I keep walking
there’s a curve in the road
ahead
an abandoned gas station
across the road on my left
grass strewn ditch
and high rock cut to my right

no lights anywhere
just the full moon
offering eerie
illumination
both ahead
and behind

something makes me uncomfortable
my gut?

I pull off my headphones
and hear footsteps
coming from the gas station

in my drunken wisdom
I know that this person
means me no harm

so I continue to hum
and dance down the road

just about the time
I convince myself
that I didn’t hear anything
and struggle to drunkenly put
my headphones on
I am grabbed from behind

one hand over my mouth
and one strong muscular arm
around my waist

things become slow motion
yet seem to happen
as fast as lightening

I struggle
trying to get away
I stumble
and he tightens his hold a little
we tumble into the ditch

I reach over my own head
and grab a violent
fistful of thick bristly hair
I yank
and struggle
and scream

while this man
wrestles to get control

by the light of the moon
I see his cheek and jaw
and I see pockmarked scars
little dark craters
from years of picking

I never stop struggling
and I rip out a handful of his hair

I continue to scream
till I’m hoarse
and now he’s muttering vile names
with fetid breath

eventually
somehow
he smacks my head
on a rock
and I see stars
then nothing

that’s the last I remember

till I wake up the next morning
naked
bruised
bloody
ill
in the abandoned gas station

it’s pouring rain

I know
I’ve been hurt
but I have no memory
but for the breif glimpse
of his skin and hair
and the rancid smell
of rotten teeth

I am alone
I take my time
whimpering
shivering
fearful
as I find my clothes
and my boots

I dress
shivering and shaking
my white peplum blazer
is grass stained filthy
and my jeans are torn
as is my tshirt
but I dress the best I can

eventually fear
overcomes me
and I continue my walk
to the town I live in

in my mind
I’m completely
empty of thought
I’m not happy or sad or scared
empty
but I’m cold
shivering
and it’s raining

I know I have visible
marks
a swollen cracked lip
a puffy, bruised face
I refuse to look at my body

as I get to town
as I take a shortcut
across the grocery store
parking lot
a car pulls up
and it’s him!

he laughs
and blows kisses at me
then parks and gets out of his car
and heads into a cafe

I just stand in the road
and stare

I have no idea
what to say?
what to do?
what happened?

but I do

I just stand in the road
and shake
water streaming down my face
hair soaked
and hanging around my head and shoulders

the friend of a friend
walks toward me
he too is wet
he’s wearing
one of those yellow
work raincoats
he says nothing
he just stands and stares at me

I tell no-one
I’m scared
and ashamed
I tell no one.

**************************************
now I’m awake
and I wonder
is this a memory?
or
my brain playing tricks?

I have so many years
that I still can’t account for
and it’s so damn real

I do have to wonder how I can remember
in such detail
the way I look
the smell
the struggle
screaming myself hoarse

if it’s just my mind?
if it’s just a dream?