WyzWmn's World©

many of you will remember the story
about my lovely neighbour the “Voodoo God”
and his erstwhile partner “Lemon Sucker”

I had a run in with them at the beginning of the summer
of gargantuan proportions
and as a result had to file a police report
etc etc etc

so all over the village I’ve heard reports all summer
about this guy who’s named himself “the Prince of Jamaica”
turns out it’s the Voodoo God
and he’s a 9 alarm piss tank
qu’elle suprise?

(he told me to my face that he was a Voodoo God and that he was gonna show up with his “Legion of Terror and rain down harm and pestilence upon me and cut me into little cancerous pieces!”)

the Lemon Sucker works at the grocery store next door to our building
and refuses to serve me when I go to the grocery store…
I can imagine how a man would have to drink to live with a sour old boot like that
but I digress

I have
several times
run in to them
alternately
never together
in the hallways and walkways
of our building

she always glares and puckers up like she’s about to say something
but never does…

he never looks me in the eye…

I remain curtly civil (above and beyond the call if ya ask me)

So Sunday mornin I’m out in the parking lot
going to meet my riding club
and here comes the VooDoo God
takin his garbage out

and as he’s returning from the dumpster
he says to me:
“look ….I mighta said some nasty shit”
“ya think?” says I
“well I’m Jamaican and we’re hot blooded”
(hmmmmm me thinks I ain’t even going there)

so I guess that was an apology?
whaddaythink?

I cain’t do nuttin right…

so ya’ll know that I blew up my puter about 6 weeks ago
and now I’m waitin for the “macdaddy” Dell that I ordered to be delivered
I am so stoked about having a computer again…I just can’t wait…

but then – life takes hold and I find that once again – I just cain’t do nuttin right…

when I confirmed my order with the Dell employee that called me from a call center in another country…I informed him that I didn’t want him to deliver it to my apartment
I wanted it delivered to the VOD’s (Voice of Doom aka…my mother) apartment next door….the confirmation guy in a call center in another country told me in something that loosely resembled English that I would have to contact the courier for that

so

Dell ships via Purolator
and Purolator in my city is open from 9-6 M-F
and I work from 9-5 M-F
and I live at least a half hour away from Purolator

so

I call Purolator and am informed that it is “physically impossible” for them to ship the boxes next door…that the act of delivering to apt 111 as opposed to apt 109 would cause major issues and bring upon and or pending the beginning of the end of the world…er somthin~

so

I call Dell…and I am informed that the order has shipped so the only way to change the delivery address is to have it returned and then re-ship or they can fill out forms and that will take 7 days and by that time it will be too late cos the order has shipped already – and frankly anyone can sign for it so maybe you can get the person at 111 to sit in 109 for the next week or so on the off chance that Purolator will show up with a delivery…

ya know?

they are sucking all the fun outta this for me…I’m now of the opinion that I should be telling em to take that new puter…and fold it up in a really small ball….AND RAM IT UP THEIR COOLOO!

if ya get my drift?