…holy shitsticks!

No matter how often you explain to people what it’s like to live with a disease like Crohn’s there’s never going to be any understanding for them if they don’t have the disease them selves.  Frankly lots of people that have the disease don’t suffer the same way as other people with the disease or the same way I do.   Maybe they don’t have debilitating depression, maybe they don’t have the pain, the blood, the lack of control, aching joints,lethargy, possibly their food choices are not limited to primarily complex carbohydrates.  Who knows?  Maybe there’s actually people in the world that only have one healthy bowel movement a day.

This morning for the first time in many years I had a Crohn’s-splosion in my bathroom. I am 63 years old soon to be 64, I’ve been dealing with this disease for around 40 years… over the course of those years I’ve had many different kinds of symptoms, “accidents” and remissions.  This was the first time it was explosive.

As I’m standing in my bathroom buck nekid but for a pair of rubber gloves; washing walls, floors, shower curtain and toilet ( to get it clean enough so I can get into the shower and clean myself) … my neighbour walks in looking to borrow some cream.  I live in what is sort of classified as a shortgun home in that as you walk through the front door you can see straight through the dining room and kitchen to the bath.

Seriously? What can I do but laugh?  Because if I don’t laugh I’m  going to go back to bed and I’m never going to get up again.

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People just don’t understand….

People just don’t understand….I have Crohn’s Disease.

On any given day I can have some or any of the following symptoms: anemia, arthritis, constipation, decreased appetite/increased appetite, depression, diarrhea, fatigue,  gallstones, joint pain, kidney disease,  liver disease, mouth sores, ulcers, rectal pain, skin disorders, weight loss/gain, nausea, chest pains, sore eyes(eye conditions),  abdominal pain, cramps, bleeding guts, gas and bloating, lethargy, inability to eat most fruits and vegetables, inability to process almost all fibre, inability to process, caffeine, soda, some or all dairy….the list goes on and on…

I can make myself look passable and I can make myself sound passable…but almost all the time I’m lying to you.

I can work for a living but I feel like shit… Anytime you ask me how I am and I say “wonderful”, “delightful”, “just ducky”, “Great!”….I’m full on lying to you… I’m likely in flare and feel like the bottom of the bird cage…or worse.

When  you invite me somewhere and I tell you that I can’t make it or that I don’t feel well I’m not lying, I’m not ignoring you and I’m not trying to get rid of you.  I sincerely do not feel well every waking moment of every single day.

People that don’t have to worry about shitting their pants in public or throwing up in a restaurant or at your desk at a job have no understanding of what it’s like to live with this disease…

And…sometimes I get fed up because people just don’t understand.

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