by now most of you know
that I’ve been off work for 2 years
I had what HR professionals call
a medical nexus
that’s when your life and your health
goes to shit
in one fell swoop
my father died
my mother had to go into a home
all of my health issues
are exacerbated by stress
I moved to a new job
turns out
it was the wrong job for me
my stress levels
were palpable
and my brain said
“ok – I’m done”
I started making huge mistakes
the end result was medical leave
I was refused long term disability
short term ran out in Feb 2016
my savings and RSP’s are now gone
my car is gone
I have no cell phone
I have no cable
I barely have internet
and it’s only a matter of time
till it’s gone too
the place that I work
says they can’t find me a job
cos their specialist
says I’m brain damaged
I only was able to give my landlord
some of my rent
due to the extreeme kindness
of my Tribe.
I’ve worked hard over the last
couple of years
to get healthy again
part of that work
was to have surgery June 7, 2017
to lose weight
the first person that says
I took the easy way out
is gonna make me
dust off my bitch slap
there is nothing
absolutely nothing
easy about this
I had 3 weeks
of liquid diet
prior to surgery
and 2 weeks after
currently
I can consume 2 – 3 tablespoons of food
at one sitting
so in order to get enough protein in me
I have to eat 6 times a day right now
I’m supposed to practice
mindful eating
(I’m beginning to dislike the word mindful)
I come from a family of world class
speed eaters
I can’t simply sit at a table
take a bite
chew 30 times
and swallow
so I’ve devised a couple of work arounds
fist – I have to read 3-5 pages
of my book between bites
or
I leave my meal in the kitchen
and have to leave whatever room
I’m working\sitting in to go to the kitchen
to get a bite
then there’s the whole water issue
I’m supposed to be drinking 64 oz of water a day
I’ve made it as high as 18 oz
I can’t drink for a half hour before I eat
and an hour after I eat
or it forces the food I’ve consumed
to rush through my system
like grease through a gander
so I’ve gone from not wearing a watch
for 10 years
to having alarms chirping every 15 min
to remind me to drink
and bells ringing every 2 hours
while I am awake to remind me to
consume protein
and I’m resigned to spending the rest of my life
taking many vitamins
to suppliment
the food I eat
to keep my teeth in my head
my bones happy
and the rest of my healthy
it’s working
I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost
I don’t own a scale
I won’t find out
till I see the program Dr
at the end of the month
but I know I’ve lost weight
cos my cousin called me “skinny” the other day
and last years summer clothes
don’t fit right
this will be the culmination
of 40 years of being morbidly obese
with co-morbidities
so it’s worth it
it’s actually exciting
and yet – it’s not the greatest
focus in my life just now
I’m on the Great Canadian Job Hunt
yet again.
I’m turning 62 on the 28th of July
so I’m not looking for a career
just the ability to work
and feed myself
until my age forces me into retirement
my brain functions
the way it always has
I’ve always had work arounds
for the way my brain functions
and no amount of some psychologist
is going to make me beleive
I am unable to work
or not smart enough
they can all kiss my grits eh?