I’m tired today
And it’s made me pissy
I’m frustrated with my body’s
Constant betrayal
I’m frustrated by having to couch
My food choice
Down that fine line
Between
What works for Crohn’s Disease
What works for Diabetes
What works for Gerd
Arthritis
Chest wall pain syndrome
Etc etc
I don’t drink, smoke, have sex or do drugs
I’d kill to be able to eat comfort food
But I’m stretched too close to the boundaries
Of my bodies limits
too closely already
So I’ll just sit here and stew.
Here’s the thing about depression
That I never understood
Before it became
Such a deciding factor
In my life
I don’t know if it’s the depression
Or the meds
But….
I.don’t.care.
I look at the overflowing garbage
And I think:
” I should really take that out”
But I don’t care
I look at the dishes in the sink
And I think:
“I should put those in the dishwasher”
But I don’t care
I look at the pile of laundry to be run
And I think:
“I should run a load or two”
But I don’t care
I hear the phone ring
And I think
“I should answer that”
But I don’t care
I used to be consumed by guilt
And anxiety
Over the state of my home
The need to look presentable
The need to be on time
The need to succeed
But I don’t care
Every morning
I get out of bed
And I say:
“Today I will accomplish this”
I even make lists
But I don’t care
I often set myself small goals
Have a shower
Put pants on
Take the dog for a walk
But I don’t care
So when I look up…
It’s dark outside
And I’ve done nothing
But it’s ok
Cos
I.dont.care.
