I had a plan…

I had a plan

I had it all figured out…

I knew what I was going to do
I’d waited 3 years
and I’d be ready

then life took over
I went off work
on medical leave
ran out of pay
then out of medical insurance
then out of savings
then spent all
of my RRSP’s

just to live
not live frivolously
but rent and groceries
pay the day to day

now I have no car
my motorcycle doesn’t run

no money coming in
at all…
no viable income
and nothing left in the bank

and now
I finally have
a surgery date

I went back to work
in April
it lasted 19 days
and I was let go
because my brain
doesn’t work the way
it used to

but I still had a plan…

I was going to
start training
with a personal trainer
long before
I got here

I was going to
see a chiropractor
long before
I got here

I was going to be
in better shape
prior to surgery

being broke
stops one from paying for things
like personal trainers
and chiropractors
and even rent sometimes

it is what it is

I continue to walk
and I will
still have surgery

and I’ll take care
of the plan
when I can

no more waiting
it’s soon to be here
and I’m excited.

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….here i go again

Everyone says: “If you need anything, don’t hesitate, I’ll be there for you “. I’m going to make a bet, without being pessimistic, that many people won’t really know what that means…Mental Health Awareness Week May 1-7

People shouldn’t have to know what it feels like to suffer from mental health issues… often times as a result of things they have absolutely no control over.

In 2015 I started making obvious mistakes in my job… as it got worse my PTSD got worse and my stress levels were postal… in June I went off on what was supposed to be a brief medical leave…since then it’s been discovered that as a result of a lifetime of taking large amount of medications aimed at making my life better from my autoimmune’s and coupled with the fact that I have over my lifetime suffered more than a dozen serious concussions I have developed some pretty serious brain changes brain changes that cost me my job in 2015 and again this month.

I don’t know what will happen I know that I am a little desperate right now but I also know that nothing I can do will change the fact that I have (amount many health issues) mental health issues.

…don’t be mean…don’t be hurtful…don’t laugh…be kind….be understanding

Be aware…mental health issues are not something we choose, they are something that happens for a myriad of reasons most often with no control

There has to be something out there that this tired old beat up brain can do…I’m not giving up…I fought too long and too hard to get here.

Mental Health Awareness Week May 1-7


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