Crab fest Baby!


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for the first time
in my life
there is no fall back
no pocket to pull from
truly nothing left

I try and try
to remain positive
to pretend to be
“Tomorrow is another day”

but I’m honestly
at my wits end

just how the fuck
am I going to
make it through
this mess
this time?

in spite of feeling
so much better
for the first time
in many years

I’m stymied
I stand to lose
it all

at what price?

I’m afraid.

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Unauthentic communication or no communication at all?

something has happened
to humanity
under the auspices
of social media…
of full on communication

with Facebook
and Twitter
and Instagram
and Snapchat

it’s all about the memes
and no so much with the
saying what you mean
and meaning what you say

we don’t talk personally anymore
we grab a meme and pretend
it’s what we mean

so when someone
does post something
it comes across
or whether
the person is interesting
and smart
and articulate
or not
we gather
on their posts

when I first
started blogging
it wasn’t about
making money
or a living
with my smart mouth
and quick fingers

it was about
sharing my thoughts
with whomever wanted
to read them
but mostly
it was about
keeping myself
from losing my mind

now days
most of the “real life” bloggers
are gone
and people that blog
strive to be trendy
and make money
everyone thinks
it’s easy
but it ain’t
…not so much
with the deep
discussion worthy posts

here’s a couple of things
that have happened
as a result
of social media
in my opinion

people don’t talk
they make assumptions
rather than talk
and often they believe
that their
is what you really meant

friends assume
you will be able to
understand their positions
by reading memes
or making your pictures
pretty or goofy

people don’t have
deep conversations
without making
an appointment
or a date for a meal

I’m just as
at fault as everyone else

here’s hoping
I can get my blog
back on

so I can talk
about items that
strike me
when I need to

onward and upward
as they say.

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I dream…

Of wild women
Fire dancing
The earth
The air
The fire
The water

I wake
It will be
A good day

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I’m thinking
coming back


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….hold that line.

I’m tired today
And it’s made me pissy

I’m frustrated with my body’s
Constant betrayal

I’m frustrated by having to couch
My food choice
Down that fine line
What works for Crohn’s Disease
What works for Diabetes
What works for Gerd
Chest wall pain syndrome
Etc etc

I don’t drink, smoke, have sex or do drugs
I’d kill to be able to eat comfort food
But I’m stretched too close to the boundaries
Of my bodies limits
too closely already

So I’ll just sit here and stew.

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Here’s the thing about depression
That I never understood
Before it became
Such a deciding factor
In my life

I don’t know if it’s the depression
Or the meds


I look at the overflowing garbage
And I think:
” I should really take that out”
But I don’t care

I look at the dishes in the sink
And I think:
“I should put those in the dishwasher”
But I don’t care

I look at the pile of laundry to be run
And I think:
“I should run a load or two”
But I don’t care

I hear the phone ring
And I think
“I should answer that”
But I don’t care

I used to be consumed by guilt
And anxiety
Over the state of my home
The need to look presentable
The need to be on time
The need to succeed
But I don’t care

Every morning
I get out of bed
And I say:
“Today I will accomplish this”
I even make lists
But I don’t care

I often set myself small goals
Have a shower
Put pants on
Take the dog for a walk
But I don’t care

So when I look up…
It’s dark outside
And I’ve done nothing
But it’s ok

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Like a boat
On the sea
Bobbing weaving
Turning round
And round

Up one wave
Down the next
Never knowing for sure
If I’m going
To make it


What to do?
How many more shocks
Do I need
One grand swell
Crushes me

All these years
The best
To find out
They are all right

All those negative
Mean voices
Could just be correct
And I may just be
What I’ve feared
the most


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Blog Blast For Peace!

All we need is love…

dona nobis pacem

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The horns of a dilemma…

I ride when I can I 1974 VW trike it’s very old school. Over the years she’s taken on the personality of her own including her nickname The Pickle. She’s as well known in the motorcycling community as I am.

Last winter an acquaintance offered to purchase her from me as a project for the winter. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being anything but The Pickle and the amount of money he offered me was laughable considering the memories she and I share.

The orthopaedic surgeon says I’ll likely not need my shoulder replaced but also that I may not have full range of motion once I’m healed. The Pickle contains a regular Volkswagen bug transmission turned on its left side which means I shift with my left arm in a regular H pattern one at the bottom two above and four across from two.

I don’t know if I’ll still be able to shift?

In a perfect world I have proper storage for her and I’d be able to buy the trike of my dreams something contains great shocks…. something more than a springer front end…. something that doesn’t need Fiberglass work and to be rewired…or paint…with a lovely Barca lounger type seat…that doesn’t need a speedo for that matter…and of course tires.

But I apparently don’t live in the perfect world…and I currently don’t have the money to repair her….so here she sits,..under canvas in my yard.

Should I sell her? Likely
Will I?
Remains to be seen

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