I feel good…

yesterday was an exceptional day

ya’ll know that I have depression
I won’t say that I suffer from depression
cos that’s a given eh?

getting up
getting dressed
and getting downtown for an appointment
is no small thing for me these day

I’ve been feeling demoralized
and ruined
and lost

I’m unable to make things work properly
this whole brain injury/damage issue
and the resultant loss of income
has undermined my confidence
and really made me feel
like a loser
and I’m outta ideas

I’m eternally stressed about funds
and my greatest fear my whole life
has been the idea of homelessness

but I did it…
I got up
got dressed
drove down town
found parking
and met with a job/career counsellor

I of course
arrived almost an hour early
cos I’m OCD about time

I was nervous…
she was fantastic!

I told her my whole sad story
she smiled
and then told me hers
same place
same type of chronic illness issue
same treatment by that employer
same losses to life and identity
same people in charge

she then when on
to give me some options
for my future

and she said out loud
“you have very marketable skills and abilities
we just need to package them properly
to find you the fit you need”

there it was…

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on I feel good…

last summer’s thoughts…

memory is such an odd tool
having conversations with old friends

someone tells me that they were afaid of me when we first met
who knew?
I was such a tough broad
little did they know
that I used it to cover my own insecurities

there’s something about
the wind in the trees
that attracts me
comforts me
makes me happy

even in a group
I am still alone
the real question is…
do I like it like that?

Pixie saves me from myself
whatever did I do
before this little black dog?

read a book
listen to the trees talk

LIfe is good!

Sun peaking through leaves
makes my heart happpy!

Gentle breeze before the intense summer heat
“Summer breeze makes me feel fine…”

floatsum hanging from spider webs
birds chirp
perfect summer morn
no time, no interet, no phone
it could be early
it could be late
not a care in the world

I smell bacon!
the wind has chnaged direction
Pixie is napping
on the picnic table
I read and focus on nothing

voices carry
i’m with a group
but alone
and calmer than I have been in months
How wonderful!

Even the sounds of logging trucks
do not really interrupt me
althought the iea that the are
clear cutting out here sure does

This is not like Gathering fr me
these are not the people I love
my tribe
they are people I like though
I don’t know them well enough to love them
and that’s good

I wnt to be more like a puppy
able to just curl up and slep
whenever, where ever

near my trailer
gotta tell

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on last summer’s thoughts…