Ad naseaum

I have been working with a group of research students on a study on brain injury via the University of Victoria.

I had to go in for blood sampling and saliva sampling, and to answer a bunch of questionnaires today…. this is about the fifth or sixth time that I’ve gone in and done it.  It’s all a volunteer and it’s pretty interesting to me to see a couple of early 20s young women that are so interested in brain injury and what makes people tick.

Two of the questionnaires we did today I have never seen or done before.  The second last question of the last questionnaire was, “do you ever suffer from any nausea as a result of your brain injury?”

I’ve suffered with nausea for most of my adult life, more so, the last 10 years or so.  Although we do chalk my brain injury up as a result of cumulative concussions and we know that I had my first concussion when I was three or four as a result of a retired police dog, a homemade skating rink and the dogs chain lol (it was a story mom like to tell).  We also know that for many years of my life, I was an accident, looking for a place to happen four whiplash injuries.  Falling into a cement staircase in Merritt. Getting kicked in the head.  Falling through the 2nd floor to the first via a heating grate (twice no less)

It’s kind of interesting to me that my nausea has been a focal point for my seeing doctors as often as I have in the last 10 years my GP, three different gastrointestinal specialists, a couple of sports medicine doctors and a couple of surgeons and not one medical professional has suggested that there’s a possible connection between my brain injury and my nausea. 

In fairness, brain injury is one of those situations where no two people are the same and no two injuries are the same but boy oh boy I’m some kind of tired of taking the highroad. I really think I would like to scream and holler and stamp my feet if it made me feel better.

Knowing this doesn’t change anything….but maybe it can change everything….we shall see

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Sad and embarrassed…

Fork Theory as relates to disability….

“Forks are stressors.  You can only cope with so many stuck in you before you hit your limit and their very presence can limit your ability to spend and recover spoons. Anything that makes you feel worse can be a fork even as little as being hungry.“

Well, making a list of all the things that occurred in my life since 20 December made me realize it’s no wonder that I am emotionally exhausted…. my aunt dying and her position in my life, finding out what an asshole a family member was to my cousin at that time, my fall, bleeding all over my den and bathroom and subsequent trip to the ER for stitches and blood loss not to mention broken cherished china. Added to that is Tink’s spaying and emotions etc around that, both of us trying to heal, no response from Pharmacare about lowering my deductible, participating in the intake interview for the brain injury research study I’m embarking on, guilt over housework or lack thereof,(it looks like a hoarder lives here these days) a quick trip to Costco sling with shortness of breath and worry about what’s causing it and messed up sleep patterns ongoing

I didn’t realize that what I was feeling was anxiety again because I never put it all together in a list….oh and I forgot a dog bite and swollen belly with a huge hematoma that isn’t dissipating…more my fault than the dogs but whatever…

Then…. this is interesting. Apparently my cardiologist has moved to a different location and as a result I am on a list to get a stress test done so they phoned me today to make the appointment. I explained about my leg and so they moved it from next week to the first week of February And I told them that I have been experiencing some shortness of breath and she said that’s exactly what the test is for so apparently I do not have to go to my GP to get a referral to the cardiologist

And now just add insult to injury. I am also sad and embarrassed.

I saw repeatedly for weeks an advertisement for a low cost folding treadmill that showed up on all my socials for so I took some money that I didn’t really have and invested in one on 13th January. I just really thought that something low impact that I could set up in the living room that had a brace or handle across the front so I could hold on in lieu of falling down would really be beneficial to me trying to regain my health… (I have a friend that walks 3 to 5 minutes 3 to 5 times a day to work on her health)  I just honestly have been sitting for the better part of three years (maybe more) between waiting for surgeries and injuries, etc. from falling. 

I kept checking back to see if the treadmill has shipped and nothing had happened according to their website so on the 25th I sent them an email asking if I could be informed when they thought they would be shipping it…..not even for a second thinking that I had been conned, 

But because I was really looking forward to this thing…..guess what? 

As of yesterday the website is gone as is any kind of representation.  There is, of course a different website that now reflects these things as being six or seven times more $$ than what I actually paid for it. 

My only conclusion is that I’ve been conned at a time when I can least afford it at a time in my life where I am relying on the kindness of others for basic necessities. This has succeeded in making me both sad and embarrassed.

My parents used to coin the phrase: “if  it looks too good to be true….it usually is…”.   Too bad I didn’t remember until it was too late. 

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