Question of the day….

Here’s my thought for the day:

Why is it that people that have eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia have alternatives when it comes to addressing their health/mental issues…and funding is available for said alternatives?  Why is it that people look at someone that has one of these issues and thinks/says “oh that poor person has a problem?”

And people who have addiction whether it be to alcohol or drugs or nicotine or sex have options and alternatives when it comes to addressing their health/mental issues…and funding is available for said alternatives? Why is it that people look at someone that has one of these issues and thinks/says “oh that poor person has a problem?”

Yet obesity is still not considered an issue worthy of funded alternatives?

Obesity is not caused by laziness.

It’s often caused by a lack of knowledge, (the proper foods to eat and the proper way to prepare them or the lack of finances for same) by mental health issues, by repression of past occurrences and is a type of addiction, by depression….but there are very few alternatives and almost none of them are funded…

Yet people see an obese person and they think “slovenly, lazy, stupid” Do they not think we don’t know what they think? Their jokes are insulting “oh…you are so jolly” “oh you have such a pretty face” “oh you are such a nice person”

I’m not trying to pussify the world…this is not another “oh poor little me” everyone take pity on me”- I’m not asking for special dispensation…I know exactly how I got here…and I also recognized that I need help

If I was a smoker the government would provide me with alternatives to be able to quit. If I was an alcoholic or a junkie or a sex addict there would be sponsored and funded opportunities to learn life skills and psychological support to assist in overcoming an addiction.

If I had cancer – would I need to pay for my own treatment?

As an obesity patient in Canada I feel very lucky that there is a program that I have become and involved in that allowed me to have the surgery to lose weight but nobody ever addresses the reasons that I became obese…nobody asks for or helps with developing an understanding from a psychological standpoint how I got to the position I’m in. Not even the program psychiatrist I was involved with for months did.

The shame and stigma around obesity (even if it was just in my own head – and it’s not…trust me) would keep me from ever feeling good about myself even having had the surgery because it will cost me personally thousands of dollars to have further surgery to correct the way I look after I lose weight. And there is no psychological support in this country without the the fees coming out of my pocket.  So I can now eat properly, exercise my ass off and get healthy as I can – but I’m still going to have many of the issues that are inherit with huge weight loss and excess skin issues.

This is not me whining…..this is me trying to understand why someone who sticks their finger down their throat and throws up every time they eat has more available resources than I do?

Was my rape/abuse less than? has my physical health not been taken into consideration? Why do I have to pay for counselling when other addicts of what other nature have funded programs/resources/opportunities to assist them?  I’m a walking talking heat rash with all this skin and it only stands to get worse…why do I have to fund raise to have the surgery to fix it?

I don’t get it.

Seriously – the very next person that suggests that I should have just exercised more and ate less or that I took the easy way out is gonna get a smack down…nothing about this is easy – and surgery is not a cakewalk.

Surgery only addresses part of the problem – a great part and I’m not complaining – but it is only a part of the big picture.


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Time for an update…

by now most of you know
that I’ve been off work for 2 years
I had what HR professionals call
a medical nexus

that’s when your life and your health
goes to shit
in one fell swoop

my father died
my mother had to go into a home
all of my health issues
are exacerbated by stress
I moved to a new job
turns out
it was the wrong job for me

my stress levels
were palpable
and my brain said
“ok – I’m done”

I started making huge mistakes
the end result was medical leave
I was refused long term disability
short term ran out in Feb 2016
my savings and RSP’s are now gone
my car is gone
I have no cell phone
I have no cable
I barely have internet
and it’s only a matter of time
till it’s gone too

the place that I work
says they can’t find me a job
cos their specialist
says I’m brain damaged

I only was able to give my landlord
some of my rent
due to the extreeme kindness
of my Tribe.

I’ve worked hard over the last
couple of years
to get healthy again
part of that work
was to have surgery June 7, 2017
to lose weight

the first person that says
I took the easy way out
is gonna make me
dust off my bitch slap

there is nothing
absolutely nothing
easy about this

I had 3 weeks
of liquid diet
prior to surgery
and 2 weeks after
I can consume 2 – 3 tablespoons of food
at one sitting
so in order to get enough protein in me
I have to eat 6 times a day right now

I’m supposed to practice
mindful eating
(I’m beginning to dislike the word mindful)
I come from a family of world class
speed eaters
I can’t simply sit at a table
take a bite
chew 30 times
and swallow
so I’ve devised a couple of work arounds
fist – I have to read 3-5 pages
of my book between bites
I leave my meal in the kitchen
and have to leave whatever room
I’m working\sitting in to go to the kitchen
to get a bite

then there’s the whole water issue
I’m supposed to be drinking 64 oz of water a day
I’ve made it as high as 18 oz
I can’t drink for a half hour before I eat
and an hour after I eat
or it forces the food I’ve consumed
to rush through my system
like grease through a gander

so I’ve gone from not wearing a watch
for 10 years
to having alarms chirping every 15 min
to remind me to drink
and bells ringing every 2 hours
while I am awake to remind me to
consume protein

and I’m resigned to spending the rest of my life
taking many vitamins
to suppliment
the food I eat
to keep my teeth in my head
my bones happy
and the rest of my healthy

it’s working
I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost
I don’t own a scale
I won’t find out
till I see the program Dr
at the end of the month
but I know I’ve lost weight
cos my cousin called me “skinny” the other day
and last years summer clothes
don’t fit right

this will be the culmination
of 40 years of being morbidly obese
with co-morbidities
so it’s worth it
it’s actually exciting

and yet – it’s not the greatest
focus in my life just now
I’m on the Great Canadian Job Hunt
yet again.
I’m turning 62 on the 28th of July
so I’m not looking for a career
just the ability to work
and feed myself
until my age forces me into retirement

my brain functions
the way it always has
I’ve always had work arounds
for the way my brain functions
and no amount of some psychologist
is going to make me beleive
I am unable to work
or not smart enough

they can all kiss my grits eh?

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