twitching and shit…

I go to bed at 8:30
it’s still light out
but I’m out like a light
or like someone
hit me on the head with a hammer

I can’t get over how exhausted I am
it’s like my infection levels
are still high

however I’ve just come off
a round of antibiotics
on Monday
so that can’t be it

I wake the first time
just before 10
wander into the bathroom
take care of business
and back to bed

between 10 and 4AM
I’m up 12 more times
at 4AM I discover I’m bleeding

I go back to bed
and hope I’m wrong

but I’m not…

by 6:30 I’ve been up
another 9 times
this time I get dressed
and drive to the hospital

I leave a VM for my boss
and text my brother
“guess where I am again?”

I’m so tired
of having to do this
of having to take care of myself
of being a middle aged woman
with “issues”
30 years of this shit gets old

this infection
has moved into my kidneys again
I’m twitching from
the convulsive like pain
and doing what the emerg triage nurse
calls “the potty dance”
she says all women know what it is
very few men do

I am admitted into emerg
and I wait
and wait some more
just before 10AM the Dr comes in
not one I’ve seen before
he doesn’t want to hear
what I’m saying
he’s sure it’s “just a UTI”
alright then
“how about you lay down here and twitch
and I’ll treat you like a hypochondriac, SIR?”
sarcasm ever always a defense mechanism
before I actually do lose my temper

that gets thru to him
he checks my VIHA records finally
and realizes that this is more
that I’ve just come off a round
of pretty strong antibiotics
and it didn’t work
it just drove the damn thing
underground
to fester…
maybe it’s caused by a fistula
maybe I’ve become immune to the drug
to the last antibiotic

he tells me
he’s going to have me put on an IV
of a different antibiotic
and I should go out and put money
in the meter
if I’ve driven myself here

I go out
and drop another 6$ in the meter
and come back for the IV

a nurse comes in and hands me a pill
and some crappy warm water
once I’ve taken the pill
she hands me a prescription
and tells me to go home
and rest
and to see someone
if I get feverish, pukey or dizzy

“well of course I’m feverish
pukey and dizzy…I’m a diabetic
that hasn’t had a meal or medication
since last night”

“oh…you should eat” she says
fuck me..”Ya think?”

I ask again if she’s sure
“the dr says it’s to be an IV”

“well!”she says all huffy
cos I’ve obviously got an attitude
“it says right here pills”
and she shows me some
gobbly gook on a clip board

like I could read that shit
even if I went to med school…

“could you just check please” I ask
“I don’t need to…”

fine…I take the prescription
and head out to my car
there’s a elderly fellow
fumbling to get change for parking
as I walk by I offer him my 6$ ticket

cos this has been
such a banner day
I might just as well
pay it forward

he thanks me
and takes my ticket
to his car

I get in my car
start the engine
and am overcome
with more twitching
there’s a knock at the window
it’s the nurse
“you can’t leave
you need an IV”

I have to laugh
if I don’t I’ll cry

I pay another $6 for parking
and head back into emerg
the nurse ushers me back into
the same room
the Dr comes in and tells me
I shouldn’t have left
I need an IV
I’m too tired and sore
to argue

he leaves
the nurse comes back in
with a needle
I say “what? no IV?”
she says “no this works
just as well”

I lay down on a gurney
and she gives me
a both hot and cold
shot in the ass
and sends me on my way

I pick up my purse
and as I’m leaving
the Dr stops me and asks
“where are you going
you need an IV”

“I just got a shot in my ass”
I says
“and I work in customer service…
if I gave this kind of service
I’d lose my job
but no one would die”

he snorts and walks away.

I phone the boss
and tell her I’m going home to bed
and that I’m surrounded by fucking morons
she laughs
cos she knows I’ve no patience
for stupid
on a good day
then I text my brother
and tell him I’m ok

I’m home now
at least
I can rest
and hopefully
stop twitching and bleeding
sometime soon.